I don’t think being witty or clever is impressive
AUGUST 2023 – CONVALESCING
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I’LL SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE
The way some people move through the world in a way that feels so in tune with the current days lexicon and hot topics is almost like a sport. They are frequently looking for someone to volley their quips, get their references and understand the rules of the game. It happens within many different circles.
The people who communicate this way are often very observant, enjoy studying people, crafting jokes, and commenting on pop culture. It’s a type of communication that doesn’t really appeal to me, or that I don’t have the kind of stamina required to keep up with.
It’s the way that I was taught is very high value, very well received and impressive. But in general I find all the references and ways of engaging with the world to feel pretty alienating. I get the distinct impression that it becomes the focus of attention and rather than noticing the emotions present in the conversation, people begin scanning every uttered word for a pun, a reference, word play, and other flourishes which can be used to maintain distance.
I’ve found that for people who don’t want to be too vulnerable it can substitute as a kind of intimacy. If we can riff off of each other it means we can get along. If we share references it means we can know each other without having to reveal anything meaningful about ourselves, and that is totally understandable. I respect the tactic.
However I am unable to keep up without feeling hollow. It reminds me of the way adults would smile at me, impressed by my ability to entertain rather than bore them (I guess) and I still wasn’t any safer, or better understood.
It’s much easier for me to perform the role of clever, invulnerable social commentator, than it is to be quiet, patient or direct. To be humble and not try to be on the lookout for where to inject my “best material” into a conversation that feels intimidating because of it’s alarming transparency. It feels like a huge accomplishment to go against that impulse, & force myself to slow down, actually pay attention, rather than always trying to entertain.
Not that I have anything against the quippy and clever. I just mourn what is lost when the main currency of conversation is quick witted, slick, curated one liners. The way people are unpaid cultural critics, waiting to show off their participation in the discourse, it’s an epidemic. It seems like everyone is forever crafting a viral tweet in their minds. I know a lot of people resent the confessional, trauma mining “diary entry” style writing that is apparently en vogue at the moment, but I come from the world of perzines and I prefer that over this cold analysis that relegates many of us to observers rather than participants.
